It's Okay Not To Be Okay

Thursday, 27 December 2018


I have always been an open person, but when it comes down to how I really am feeling, I find it hard to say out loud, however I always find it easier said and done over text and social media. I'm not sure why, maybe because I can't see anybody'd faces and see their reactions, and that makes it a lot easier.

You're probably reading this because you suffer with mental health issues, you're having trouble loving yourself, or you're just feeling a little low. I want to write this post, not to talk all about me, but to help you in some way.

Going back to school and college. I always felt like I never belonged anywhere, I felt like no one wanted me in their friendship group. I was bullied...not badly but still, it wasn't very nice. I was very gullible and took everything to heart, if people laughed at me for believing something stupid, I was embarrassed and I thought and believed I was stupid.

At 15 I started to feel really low, I didn't want to exist and I felt like nobody loved me. No idea why I felt that way, I don't remember much from my childhood unfortunately, especially when it came to school and college, it's like my mind wants to block it all out. There was something I regretted the most and that was not telling anyone how I was feeling. I kept it all in, which I bought out in anger. The mood swings were unreal. I lashed out to the few friends I had at school and at home to my family.

5 years later I was sat at home with my Mum, and I got really upset and started crying and just came out with it all. I was angry and jealous that my brother was getting all the help he needed yet I'm sitting there pretending I'm okay. She told me to phone up the next morning for an emergency doctors appointment which I did. Personally I wished the appointment went better. The doctor told me I wasn't depressed enough to be on anti-depressants and to have counselling. I also have trouble eating, he looked me up and down and said I looked fine.

I applied to have counselling but straight away refused to go ahead with it. I felt like I was wasting time and I was embarrassed to get some help. A few months went by and I just felt worse about myself, causing thoughts in my head, harming myself, I won't go into too much detail. I went back to the doctors with my Mum because I wasn't feeling so great. This time round a different doctor. She really listened, and my Mum mentioned my depression. The doctor gave me a leaflet for counselling, but to go somewhere different.

Weeks went by and I told myself to just send my details in, see what happens. 6 months later I started seeing a therapist, and it is the best thing I've done. It was a 6 week session, but she asked if I needed more, I have 3 sessions left out of 12. At first I was angry and felt as if it wasn't helping, but I stuck to it and I'm so happy I did. I don't get those thoughts in my head anymore, I've been a year clean from self harm and I don't get up every morning wishing time away. My therapist also said if I wanted too, to be on anti-depressants but that was down to me if I wanted to or not. I'm not saying having therapy fixes all your problems, but it makes you see a whole different side to things and it's nice to talk to a stranger about things.

It's okay not to be okay!

- I've learnt not to take everything to heart, if there is an issue, take a step back and breathe. Do not jump to conclusions.

- Put yourself in the deep end. I didn't mention about my social anxiety because my story would be very long, and I didn't want to bore you, I just wanted to give you a little update to what is going on and how I overcame and are overcoming things. When you're anxious, you're going to avoid that situation, am I right? For me it was going into town on my own to buy myself some milk for my cup of tea. I avoided this for so long, which I find the more you avoid things, the worse it'll be over time.

I put my shoes on and I marched straight up into town on my own, and almost ran back home. That walk home felt like ages because I couldn't wait to get back to my safe place. But I did it. I did it the second time, the third time and it got easier. Now I don't mind going out to town on my own. Don't get me wrong, I still have my bad days but been having more good days. So yes, throw yourself into a situation you would avoid the most, it does get easier, maybe take a friend with you.

- Learn to love yourself. This is so so hard, but accept the person you are today. Mental health is nothing to be ashamed of, or if you're just feeling down here and there. It's okay, no one is judging you. Nobody is perfect. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful, you have a great personality and everybody loves you.

- To get help when it's needed the most. I refused help for a long time, suffering 5 years in silence, I wished I did it differently, but it's never to late to get the help you need. I didn't want to go for the anti-depressants because I found my counselling was helping enough. It's still something I'm considering. But if you are someone who is suffering also, talk to someone, whether it's family, friends, your GP. If someone doesn't accept you for you, you don't need them in your life. I'm sorry but you don't need that negativity.

- Take some you time. This is so important. I found going off social media for a week helps refresh your mind. On social media these days are full of negativity, food posts and a lot of bitchy comments on Facebook over petty things. So I find taking yourself away from it all, and doing other things such as reading or going out for a morning stroll can be great and therapeutic for the brain.

- Set yourself goals. This can be motivating when you don't have any motivation at all. Your goals don't have to be met in the week, or next month. These can be life goals. This helps you have a positive mind.

- Don't be so hard on yourself. If something doesn't go right or you got up late when you wanted to be up early to complete tasks, don't be so hard on yourself. Tomorrow is a brand new day, it'll happen on another day.

Ways To De-Stress And Wind Down

Wednesday, 26 December 2018

There is nothing more relaxing than winding down on those really stressful days, doing a mini pamper to make you feel good and having a good nights sleep so you can wake up feeling refreshed.

1. Set the atmosphere - Rather than having bright ceiling lights on, dim the lights and light some candles. Maybe put some relaxing music on too.

2. Take a bath or a shower - I love to do this first. It makes me feel so relaxed and refreshed. Once I get out the shower I love to smother my body in lotion, put on comfy pj's and my fluffy dressing gown and sit in my clean fresh bed.

3. Write it down - If you're head is filled with a million things, going round and round, write it down. I've been doing this lately and it helps a lot. I put everything in lists, bullet points and tick things off, any reminders for upcoming events, what I need to do for the next day. Try it if you haven't done it yet, let me know if it works for you.

4. Distraction - Now I know this can sometimes be hard, which is why I mentioned writing things down first to hopefully get you in the right head space. I like to either watch some Netflix in bed with my favourite drink, read a book, listen to music or play some games on my phone.

5. Go for a walk - This is something I like to do a lot. If I can't sleep and I get restless, having too much on my mind, I go out for a walk to my local park. Just me, myself and I, and normally I like to phone my best mate, Ben for a long chat, poor guy must be getting sick and tired of me phoning every night, haha! Just kidding, that's what friends are for, vice versa.

6. Talk to friends and family - That is why I mentioned about me phoning a friend. I find that talking to someone about what's going on, how you are feeling or any problems you have makes you feel a lot better. Yes, maybe they wont have an answer for you, this can be pretty frustrating especially when you need an answer to all your problems, but I find talking about stuff can feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. I used to feel like I never wanted to talk to my friends because I felt like I would be bugging them, but remember, you would listen to them if it was the other way round, and if they really didn't want to listen, they wouldn't be your friend.

Top 5 Beauty Products I Cannot Live Without

Friday, 21 December 2018

I am a huge shopaholic. If it's not clothes, it's makeup. And if it's not makeup, it's hair products.
Constantly having new products each month on my shelf, and some empties too where I tell myself I need to buy that again. So I thought why not share with you some of my beauty faves this month.

Max Factor Primer

Normally I don't wear primers, only because I'm lazy, but my Cousin gave me a small bag of new makeup she didn't want and this was in there, and I thought why not give it a go. It makes a huge difference making my foundation look so much smoother, creating a smooth layer between moisturiser and foundation. Now it's something I can not miss out in my makeup routine. I literally get annoyed with myself when I forget to put it on as I'm smothering my face in foundation.

Eyeko Lash Alert Mascara

Long, thick eyelashes is a must for me. I can't get the hang of false lashes so I like to make my eyelashes as long and thick as I can, and this mascara does just that. Yes, you do need a few coats to build it up but what I love most about this mascara is, not only does it have a curved wand to make it easier to grab those little eyelashes, it covers every single one of them too, which is a extra bonus, well for me anyways.

Nars Sheer Glow Foundation

This foundation has been my everyday wear and has lasted me a good few months. It's a water based foundation so you only need a tiny drop, as a little really does go a long way. I find it gives the skin a lovely, healthy radiant look. It's not a full coverage but it is buildable which you have to really buff into the skin, and it comes in 20 shades. The only thing I'm slightly disappointed with is that it comes in a 30ml glass bottle, and no pump. Yes, you can buy the pump separately, but I'm just being fussy and rather it came with one anyways. Overall, it's my most favourite foundation so far.

Maybelline Tattoo Brow Pomade

My brows are...not so flawless. Especially without makeup. This product has saved me from embarrassment. It comes with an eyebrow brush, which is the best brush I've used so far, with a spoolie on the end. The pomade itself is waterproof and easily glides on with it's creamy texture. A little bit goes a long way, and you can build it up to how bold and extra you want your brows to be.

Colourpop 'I Think I Love You' Eyeshadow Palette

Oh my goodness, where do I start. This palette is always in my makeup tutorials on my YouTube channel, simply because I just can not get enough. I wished they did Colourpop in the UK so it was so much easier to get hold of. Anyways...the palette.

Not only is the palette highly pigmented, so it gives your eyes that extra pop, the colours on this palette is suitable for all seasons, so I think anyway. You have the browns and golds for Summer, gold and reds for Winter or vice versa. Not just that, it has some glittery shades in there too. I'm a gal who loves her glitter. Lastly, it's easy to blend and you don't need a lot of the product because of how pigmented it is. This also is in my everyday wear, I like to go for the browns and golds this Winter.

What are your top beauty products you can not love without?

Book Review: Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine

Thursday, 20 December 2018

This is a book I really couldn't put down. I was in America when I was reading this and OMG it's one of my favourites. Every spare minute I had I would pick this book back up. I'm one of those people who, if the first few pages doesn't have my attention, I'm not reading it. This certainly had my attention alright.

Elanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine is about the importance of friendship and human connection. I absolutely love Elanor as a character. She's just a simple woman who lives a very simple life, and she blossoms into this strong, confident woman who she never even imagined herself being. The book made me laugh a few times, and it's something I would love to read all over again.

The story...

Eleanor Oliphant leads a simple life. She struggles with appropriate social skills and says exactly what she's thinking. She wears the same clothes to work everyday, eats the same meal deal for lunch everyday and buys the same two bottles of vodka to drink every weekend.

She's happy, until one day her whole world changes when she meets Raymond, the IT guy from work. When she and Raymond together save Sammy, an elderly gentleman who has fallen on the sidewalk, the three become the kinds of friends who rescue one another from their lives of isolation they have each been living.

From talking to Mummy every Wednesday, wearing the same clothes everyday, she's searching for the courage to face the dark corners she's avoided all her life. It's Raymond's big heart that will ultimately help Eleanor find the way to repair her own profoundly damaged one.

My Dating Disasters

Wednesday, 19 December 2018

I don't know about you but I love a good read up on whats happening in other peoples lives. I have had a few dating disasters where I thought you can have a good laugh. I haven't had any luck recently with guys, and I have only been on a couple of dates, but enough to keep us all entertained.

The Christmas Tag

Sunday, 16 December 2018

I was looking at what Christmas posts to do when I came across the Christmas tag and thought it was a perfect post to do so that you bloggers and readers can join in too.

1. What is your favourite Christmas Movie/s?
I have two favourite Christmas movies.
Love Actually and The Holiday.
I am a huge fan of rom-coms and these two films really puts me in the Christmas spirit.

2. Do you open your presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?
Christmas morning. On Christmas Eve we all ask each other what time we are all getting up in the morning. In fact it's probably the only morning I can actually get up early with no problems at all.

3. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

4. Is your Christmas tree real or fake?
Fake. We've had our tree for quite a few years and it's so easy to put up. it's the taking down part I hate doing.

5. Be honest: Do you like giving gifts of receiving gifts?
Definitely giving. I love seeing smiles on peoples faces. In fact I tend to go over board when it comes to buying gifts for other people.

6. What would be your dream place to visit for the holiday season?
New York. I've been before but would love to see what it looks like over Christmas.

7. Do you make New Years resolutions? Do you stick to them?
One year I remember wanting to be healthier, so I told myself in the new year, no chocolate. That didn't last 2 minutes. So the answer to that is no, I no longer make New Year resolutions and I certainly do not stick to them either.

8. What makes the holiday special for you?
Being with my family over Christmas. It's our first year without my Grandad for Christmas this year, so being extra close to my family is going to be extra special.

Let me know your answers down below.

The Ultimate Christmas Playlist

Saturday, 15 December 2018

Okay, I'm not going to lie to you. I have been so bad at doing blogmas, I just didn't realise how hard it was going to be writing and uploading posts everyday. Not just that, I am very bad at being organised.

Winter Skincare Routine 2018

Thursday, 6 December 2018

It's that time of year again where your skin is all cracked and dry, and I don't know about you but it makes my skin break out more with this cold weather. I have a routine that keeps my skin moisturized and those spots at bay, however having such sensitive skin, I find trying to find the right products can be very expensive. You can't just pick a product off the shelf like a box of chocolates, you have to do your research.

Morning Routine

- I start off the morning with a face wash using warm water, L'Oreal Paris Fine Flowers Sensitive Gel Wash. I have sensitive skin and I find this has been the best wash for me personally, which hasn't caused me to break out. This wash also doesn't leave my skin feeling very dry and sore which is a bonus, as I find most products feels like it's stripped a layer off my face.

- Once my skin has dried I go over with a cotton pad a rose water toner. The one I use I bought in America so I can only find it on an American site, which is Shea Moisture, Rosewater Toner. However my other fave is Pixi Rose Tonic.

- I then finish off with a moisturiser. The one I have been loving is very soothing and does't feel too heavy on the skin. A little bit goes a very long way, and with the affordable price it's just an extra bonus so it lasts quite a while. It's called Cosmetic Hydra-sensitive Face Cream.

Night Routine

- Using the same L'Oreal face wash, I do this twice if I have a full face of makeup on which is almost everyday for work, focusing more on my eye area as I wear more eye makeup than face makeup.

- Using cotton pads, I then go over my face and neck with Garnier Micellar Water for sensitive skin, making sure all of my makeup is completely off.

- Going in using cotton pads I then use my rose water toner, as I have recently discovered this has helped massively with any acne scaring, which is now almost invisible.

- Once my skin is completely dry, I then go in using the same moisturiser I used in the morning. It's so calming, especially after a face wash as I find my skin goes very red.

- Lastly, if I find myself to have the one odd spot, I like to dab a tiny bit of Neutrogena On-The-Spot Cream. Which I wouldn't recommend this product for anyone with ultra sensitive skin, and it's very drying. I find this product helps get rid of my spot within 2-3 days.

Cosy Christmas Night In Essentials

Sunday, 2 December 2018

There is nothing more perfect than having a cosy night in, whether it's on your own or with your friends. When I have a cosy night in (which is most of the time) I like to go up to my bedroom with a cup of tea and just chill out on my own, so here are some essentials.

- Firstly, your favourite drink. It's okay, I'm not the one to judge if you want a bottle of wine, or a G&T. Whatever keeps you happy. I like to have a cup of tea or a white hot chocolate.

- Music. Put on your favourite music and dance around the room, be crazy, be foolish and be happy. No one is here to judge if you want to dance and sing, we all do it.

- Dressing gown. This is a MUST!! Your dressing gown is your best friend, always there for you when you're feeling down, feeling ill, for those cold days and for those happy days. Put it on and be cosy.

- Snacks. Chocolate digestive biscuits and share bags of chocolate does me for the night. Fill a bowl of popcorn and crisps and other favourite treats of yours. Maybe some mince pies too. It's okay, eat naughty. I won't tell anyone.

- Face and eye masks. There is nothing more relaxing than sitting down, music on or reading your favourite book, face mask on and your feet up. Give your skin some tlc.

- Candles and fairy lights. Light yourself a Christmas scented candle to really get you in the festive spirit. I find a candle adds warmth to the room, and put some fairy lights on to add some extra cosiness.

- Christmas Movies. There is nothing more cosy than being wrapped up in your dressing gown and in a blanket fort, watching your favourite Christmas movies. Whether you're on your own or with you friends, it really gets you in the mood for Christmas.

What are your favourite Christmas night in essentials?

What I Love About Christmas

Saturday, 1 December 2018

Christmas isn't all about the decorations and the roast turkey on Christmas Day. It's not about the presents you receive or give, or that beautifully decorated tree that took you 3 hours to do one evening so that you can get that perfect insta pic. The hot chocolate and cosy fires at night, or how many Christmas movies you can watch until it's Christmas day.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love all of these things, but Christmas for me is spending it with my family and friends. Creating special memories and having a right good laugh, getting drunk and being merry.

I love blasting Christmas songs and dancing like an idiot, belting out the words...terribly.
Drinking festive drinks from Costa to get me in the festive spirit, baking some yummy treats, seeing other peoples Christmas jumpers and having an excuse to watch my favourite movie, Love Actually.

What do you love about Christmas?